Helpful Ways to Show Concern

 

DO acknowledge our loss.

DO realize that our loss is real and our grief and healing process will be painful and take time.

DO offer a tear, hug or sign of love and concern.

DO send a card or flowers.

DO attend the memorial service or help me arrange one.

DO understand that we ARE grieving the loss of a loved one and we need your love and support.

DO say:

  • "I am sorry about your loss"

  • "I know this is a hard time for you."

  • "I would like to help."

  • "Please tell me what I can do."

  • "Can I bring dinner over?"

  • "I feel so sad."

  • "I am here if you want to talk about it."

DO make a donation in memory of the baby.

DO bring a book or suggest a web site that might offer some comfort and/or understanding.

DO give a gift certificate for dinner or maybe a facial at the local spa.

DO discuss other topics, since life must go on. However, be prepared that we will probably look at all other life issues in light of our loss. Our loss will constantly be on our minds.

DO call a week later.

DO call a month later.

DO remember the anniversary date with cards and/or flowers (parents never forget).

DO try and educate yourself on what we may be going through - it will help ease your discomfort on the subject as well.

Other Helpful Ways To Show Concern:

  • Offer to baby-sit for other children, wash clothes or do some other household chores. During this time the parents may feel too overwhelmed to complete even the simplest of tasks.

  • Offer a tear, a hug, a sign of love and concern.

  • Send a note, poem, card, or something else that expresses sympathy after death, especially after a few weeks have passed. This is when most parents feel pressure to "get back to normal", and need to know that it is still okay to be grieving.

  • Bring a book, or suggest a web site that might offer some comfort and/or understanding.

  • Give a gift certificate for a dinner or maybe a facial or massage or tanning at the local spa.

  • Discuss other topics besides their loss, since life must go on. However be prepared that they will probably look at all other life issues in light of this loss. It will constantly be on their minds, especially in the early months after the loss.

  • Again, probably the most important thing you can do is recognize the importance of this baby. The loss and pain cannot be replaced with another baby or living child. And do make an effort to talk with them about the baby and how they are doing. Months down the road a simple, "How have you been doing since you lost your baby?" can give much comfort.